Well, we all know I suck at blogging...

This post has been a long time coming, but between work and wedding planning...there wasn't much time for anything else! Todd and I got married August 21, 2012, in the Logan Utah LDS Temple.

Le Temple

Le Me

Le Kiss

All that really means is that I've been married for a month and two days. Not sure if I still qualify as a hopeless romantic, but I don't really care.

It is kind of awkward when people ask how married life is because you're not sure if they want the honest answer or the happy honeymoon, life is all smiles and crap stuff. Marriage is tough, to say the least. And if people ask for an analogy, I tell them it is like dating on steroids.

Not that I don't love being married. It's actually kind of awesome in several ways. Someone to carry the groceries, fix the faucet, and love me when I'm all not nice and lady like.

So word of advice: don't avoid it, but don't chase it either. You have to be ready for it :)

The Day I Was Waiting For

As I went to bed Friday night, I had a feeling that Todd would propose at the Final Mission for HvZ. But I brushed away the thought because he hadn't seemed into it at all in the days leading up to it. But my feeling would prove to come true.

The whole HvZ week was a little crazy as I went to all the day and night missions. Monday night mission was a failure for our group as we didn't get any objectives and had the only casualties. Tuesday day mission was a mini gauntlet that I didn't make all the way through, but at least I wasn't able to be turned zombie. Tuesday night mission was also a failure because nobody found the OZ. Wednesday's day mission was very fun because we did another animal safari. Wednesday's night mission was to transport a VIP from point A to point B to point C. We got our VIP to point A, but then we were attacked by half the Horde. After surviving that skirmish, albeit losing the VIP, we ran away. In the process of running away, I tripped over a tree stump and sustained a horrible injury to my shin/knee on my right leg and gash and bruise on my left foot. I was put on a medical leave for running around during the day, but was still allowed to participate in the night and day missions. Thus, Thursday's day mission of taking on zombies one on one was way fun. Got a few zombies that way. Thursday's night mission, I was safe through being in a machine gun nest, but we still failed as the zombies were able to get through. Friday was just an overall fun day.

Saturday was the ultimate final mission. First, there was an elimination round where we weeded out the week and unpracticed humans to get the best of the best to run through the gauntlet. Going through the gauntlet wasn't all that hard as drawing out the zombies slowly allowed us to fight them better than taking them on as a full group. Six of our eight members survived. As we were celebrating our survival and the human's victory, Todd got up to thank everyone for being great players and making it an easy game to moderate. He then proceeded to talk about how there was one person he especially needed to thank as he'd been abandoning them all week. He then asked me to come up. As I was standing in front of him, he got down to one knee and the crowd got crazy. He asked me to marry him and the rest is history.

Apparently, he's been through a lot of terrifying situations, but that was the scariest thing he's ever done. At least he was able to get my name out.

I Don't Regret

Once upon a time, I wrote missionaries. I think at one point, I had like...10 missionaries I was writing. And I wrote most of them as friends. It was fun writing them. It was like gold in the mailbox when I actually got a letter, it was so exciting. But there were two special missionaries that were rather important to me.

One of those was my best friend. His name is blank. His brother, blanche, was my first date(my 16th birthday was on the night of prom of my sophomore year), and first real life boyfriend. I had had *boyfriends* before, but they weren't real(do not do online relationships), or official(thats a mess in that story). My relationship with blanche lasted about a month before I broke up with him to date the other missionary I'm going to write about. Anyway, in about August, blank and I really started talking to each other a lot and he became my best friend. We went on one date to a Jon Schmidt concert and Wendy's after. It was absolutely delightful. But we couldn't be anything more than friends because he was one, interested in another girl who had a missionary, and two, he left about a month after our date for his mission to Atlanta, Georgia. When he left, we were actually in this little fight, which I don't remember the reason for really. So I didn't write him till three months in. But as we wrote letters and emails to each other, I still depended on him for advice and a shoulder to cry on if needed. The girl he was interested in wrote him off because she got mad at him because he realized he had been lying about something to both of us, but I was able to forgive him. Anyway, when he came home, I was expecting to be able to talk to him normally again. BUT HE WOULDN'T TALK TO ME! It really got my angry because I had been counting down the days and was really looking forward to the day he came home and being able to hang with him and such. Now we hardly talk at all. At the time, it really hurt me because I had been so attached. But I've gotten over it in the two months he's been home :)

The second missionary who was important to me was my 2nd boyfriend. His name is red. We dated for the summer of 2009 and then I felt like I needed to break up with him, but I didn't want to. So he broke up with me so I wouldn't be so stressed out about it. Unfortunately, over the next year before he went on his mission, we would always try to hang out and get back together but it never worked out. The day his farewell talk came, I was still interested in him and so I went and went to the after party. It was so fun and nice. Then Monday comes around and he has this giant party with all his friends. So I go. And it was way super fun and nice and I kept getting these vibes that he liked me and whatnot. So he drove me home and we made out for an hour and both of us were crying. Like, I seriously went home and bawled. I missed that kid for the three months I was writing and waiting for him. I had crying fits and I was just so devoted to writing and waiting that it really surprised me when he wrote me off. We still write occasionally, but I haven't received a reply since I sent him a Christmas card at the beginning of December.

I really don't regret writing and waiting for them. I learned a lot, grew a lot, and became the person who I am now. The experience was totally worth it because now I can help other people who write and wait for missionaries. Plus, my current boyfriend had a Voldemort of a girlfriend who *waited* (long horrible story that makes me want to beat her up), that just works...

I Never Thought

Even just a few months ago, I never thought I would be ready for marriage. I mean, half a year ago, I was totally against the idea. Well, not totally, but the male race really had me gung-ho for being single for a good long while.

And for most of my life, I considered those people who dated, got engaged and then married in the space of less than a year were crazy. What about getting to know a person? What about learning what you want and don't want in your spouse?

And then...Todd happened. And I just knew. I knew that if I didn't screw things up, that we'd end up together. That I wouldn't have to put up with dating non-commitally anymore. That I wouldn't have to wonder if my prince charming was still out there. Because I found him. I found the guy that I would want to be with in a forever with no end. And I want that forever to start as soon as it possibly can.

I mean, I don't want a middle of the semester wedding or to be married within three months of dating, but my rules of dating and being engaged for a total of two years have gone out the window. When you know, you know. Hopefully, I don't screw it up between now and then.

Swept Off My Feet By Prince Charming

Ya'll are gonna hate me for this, but this post is going to be specifically about my boyfriend, and hopefully soon to be future fiance and then husband.
Yup, thats him right there. I took the picture with his cell phone during our preparation for celestial marriage class.

You might be wondering if he has a name. Yes, this mysterious boyfriend does indeed have a name. On his birth certificate, it reads Todd Robert Hicken. Personally, I call him Todder, Toddery, Dear, Boyfriend and on and on.

It actually is a rather unusual story as to how we met, became friends and to where we are now at the dating stage. That is, I never thought we could be more than friends. How could I ever fall in love with a die-hard Zombie?

"Zombie?", you ask...well... at Utah State, there happens to be an on-campus game called "Humans Vs. Zombies". I started as a human and was almost able to finish as a Human, but got turned into a Zombie by Brian, who would be my boyfriend for the next two months.

I thought the relationship with Brian was going well for the first few weeks and then I found out that he had a problem. I initially thought that I would be able to deal with it and pull through. But as time went on and he continued to struggle with this problem, I just stressed out more and more and asked for advice from Todd, Brendan(another friend), and a few more trusted friends.

While I was dating Brian, Todd was trying to pursue a girl named Jessi who led him on empty paths with no intention of really dating him. When he was having a really tough time with her and was stressing out about his ailing father, being the good friend I was, I tried to cheer him up. I look out for my friends, you see, and I wanted to make sure that he was happy and well.

Semester ended and I went home, still dating Brian, and Todd still up in Logan trying to figure out what to do about girls and his father, who continued to have a few health issues.

Come Christmas time, Todd was in need of a ride to his dad's house which is four hours round trip away from my parents. As a friend, I was going to make sure he got there, even if it meant that I would be driving him myself without him paying me. He tried to find other options, but I was the only one that would work and so off we went, a two hour drive there turned to like...eight hours. It was way fun and the time with him made me realize how much I liked him.

I mean, when I had first met him, I thought that nothing more than friendship would come out of it. He didn't seem all that attractive or my type. But when I invited him out to pizza so he'd cheer up about his dad, I saw him in a light that I hadn't seen before. He was actually cute and funny. But I was dating someone, so I was like "eh, he's going after another girl" and thought nothing more of it. But after driving him to his dad's, I had to rethink.

When we arrived at his father's house, it almost felt like I was at home. It was kind of a weird feeling, because he was just a friend. His father even invited me to stay the night so I wouldn't have to drive back home in the dark and possibly hit a deer. That would have been even more strange because I had never really stayed the night at a guy's house before. His parents really took to me, which is apparently something they had never done for any of his girlfriends before. The fact that I wasn't a girlfriend was surprising for him. As I left the house, Todd offered me a hug, which I hurriedly escaped. Still a little scared at that point that I was liking him.

Since I didn't stay the night, I drove straight home, the two hour drive actually taking two hours. I get home and start talking to him on Facebook. Not very long into the conversation, I let it slip that I might like him. And he confessed that he might like me, but since I had a boyfriend, he wasn't really going to try anything. I go to bed, somewhat torn as to what to do. I like them both, but Brian was hurting me so much and I was kind of sick with putting up with it. Plus, he has yet to go on a mission and I don't know if I would be able to go through another two year wait. Not that those were the only two issues, but I was just a little confused.

I wake up and Todd's name was resonating in my mind. Over and over again, assaulting me with a ferocity that I had never experienced. My mind was made up, or rather I felt I had an answer. Todd over Brian. I wondered why I had dated Brian in the first place and the main thing my mind came up with was that maybe I needed to date Brian so I could trust and confide in Todd as a friend and get to know him. Regardless of how or why it happened, I do not regret the relationship I had with Brian. I wish things had gone better when we had broken up, but I can only try and mend things if he will let me.

The breakup with Brian actually took about a week because he kept dragging it out, rehashing old issues and stressing me out. Luckily, I was able to hang out with Todd the evening after the final break up and get some rest and peace. Unfortunately, it was only for the night and then I had to go back home for another week. I got back up to Logan as soon as possible and we became official that night.

Yes, there may be a six year difference. Yes, he might be a foot and a half taller than me. Yes, he can be rather loud sometimes, but he's mine. I've known since before we became an official couple that I would marry him. I don't know when or where he'll propose yet, but I can't wait :)

My life story is a joke.

For realz. The past two months have been crazy. But with my new boyfriend, whom I deeply adore, I stand confident against life :)