Saturday, January 28, 2012

I Never Thought

Even just a few months ago, I never thought I would be ready for marriage. I mean, half a year ago, I was totally against the idea. Well, not totally, but the male race really had me gung-ho for being single for a good long while.

And for most of my life, I considered those people who dated, got engaged and then married in the space of less than a year were crazy. What about getting to know a person? What about learning what you want and don't want in your spouse?

And then...Todd happened. And I just knew. I knew that if I didn't screw things up, that we'd end up together. That I wouldn't have to put up with dating non-commitally anymore. That I wouldn't have to wonder if my prince charming was still out there. Because I found him. I found the guy that I would want to be with in a forever with no end. And I want that forever to start as soon as it possibly can.

I mean, I don't want a middle of the semester wedding or to be married within three months of dating, but my rules of dating and being engaged for a total of two years have gone out the window. When you know, you know. Hopefully, I don't screw it up between now and then.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Swept Off My Feet By Prince Charming

Ya'll are gonna hate me for this, but this post is going to be specifically about my boyfriend, and hopefully soon to be future fiance and then husband.
Yup, thats him right there. I took the picture with his cell phone during our preparation for celestial marriage class.

You might be wondering if he has a name. Yes, this mysterious boyfriend does indeed have a name. On his birth certificate, it reads Todd Robert Hicken. Personally, I call him Todder, Toddery, Dear, Boyfriend and on and on.

It actually is a rather unusual story as to how we met, became friends and to where we are now at the dating stage. That is, I never thought we could be more than friends. How could I ever fall in love with a die-hard Zombie?

"Zombie?", you ask...well... at Utah State, there happens to be an on-campus game called "Humans Vs. Zombies". I started as a human and was almost able to finish as a Human, but got turned into a Zombie by Brian, who would be my boyfriend for the next two months.

I thought the relationship with Brian was going well for the first few weeks and then I found out that he had a problem. I initially thought that I would be able to deal with it and pull through. But as time went on and he continued to struggle with this problem, I just stressed out more and more and asked for advice from Todd, Brendan(another friend), and a few more trusted friends.

While I was dating Brian, Todd was trying to pursue a girl named Jessi who led him on empty paths with no intention of really dating him. When he was having a really tough time with her and was stressing out about his ailing father, being the good friend I was, I tried to cheer him up. I look out for my friends, you see, and I wanted to make sure that he was happy and well.

Semester ended and I went home, still dating Brian, and Todd still up in Logan trying to figure out what to do about girls and his father, who continued to have a few health issues.

Come Christmas time, Todd was in need of a ride to his dad's house which is four hours round trip away from my parents. As a friend, I was going to make sure he got there, even if it meant that I would be driving him myself without him paying me. He tried to find other options, but I was the only one that would work and so off we went, a two hour drive there turned to like...eight hours. It was way fun and the time with him made me realize how much I liked him.

I mean, when I had first met him, I thought that nothing more than friendship would come out of it. He didn't seem all that attractive or my type. But when I invited him out to pizza so he'd cheer up about his dad, I saw him in a light that I hadn't seen before. He was actually cute and funny. But I was dating someone, so I was like "eh, he's going after another girl" and thought nothing more of it. But after driving him to his dad's, I had to rethink.

When we arrived at his father's house, it almost felt like I was at home. It was kind of a weird feeling, because he was just a friend. His father even invited me to stay the night so I wouldn't have to drive back home in the dark and possibly hit a deer. That would have been even more strange because I had never really stayed the night at a guy's house before. His parents really took to me, which is apparently something they had never done for any of his girlfriends before. The fact that I wasn't a girlfriend was surprising for him. As I left the house, Todd offered me a hug, which I hurriedly escaped. Still a little scared at that point that I was liking him.

Since I didn't stay the night, I drove straight home, the two hour drive actually taking two hours. I get home and start talking to him on Facebook. Not very long into the conversation, I let it slip that I might like him. And he confessed that he might like me, but since I had a boyfriend, he wasn't really going to try anything. I go to bed, somewhat torn as to what to do. I like them both, but Brian was hurting me so much and I was kind of sick with putting up with it. Plus, he has yet to go on a mission and I don't know if I would be able to go through another two year wait. Not that those were the only two issues, but I was just a little confused.

I wake up and Todd's name was resonating in my mind. Over and over again, assaulting me with a ferocity that I had never experienced. My mind was made up, or rather I felt I had an answer. Todd over Brian. I wondered why I had dated Brian in the first place and the main thing my mind came up with was that maybe I needed to date Brian so I could trust and confide in Todd as a friend and get to know him. Regardless of how or why it happened, I do not regret the relationship I had with Brian. I wish things had gone better when we had broken up, but I can only try and mend things if he will let me.

The breakup with Brian actually took about a week because he kept dragging it out, rehashing old issues and stressing me out. Luckily, I was able to hang out with Todd the evening after the final break up and get some rest and peace. Unfortunately, it was only for the night and then I had to go back home for another week. I got back up to Logan as soon as possible and we became official that night.

Yes, there may be a six year difference. Yes, he might be a foot and a half taller than me. Yes, he can be rather loud sometimes, but he's mine. I've known since before we became an official couple that I would marry him. I don't know when or where he'll propose yet, but I can't wait :)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

My life story is a joke.

For realz. The past two months have been crazy. But with my new boyfriend, whom I deeply adore, I stand confident against life :)